"This," she said, "is my goldfish. She is my best friend right now."
"Your best friend?" I said.
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Bianca Becker who fished out your shoes when Anne Baker stole them from your locker and threw them into the swimming pool?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Marvin Booker, who drove you to the hospital each day when your mother got sick," I said.
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Albert Tanner, who saved your father's life, your father who made a bet with his brother, this bet pertaining to the claim that he could swallow a deviled egg whole?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Mary Chang, who patiently talked you down from the bridge when you attempted to commit suicide? Whose argument against the wisdom of your self-destruction was so life-affirming and universally-applicable you still quote it to this day?" I said.
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Oscar Anderson who, on learning of the quadruple amputation required to save your life after your car accident, became expert in the art of manufacturing prosthetics, pioneering those innovations that make your new cyborg form superior not only to your former self but all athletes on earth in all their respective sports?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Oscar's sister, Harriett, who upon seeing you in your chrome and wire form took pity on you and used her expertise in tissue engineering, sculpture, and human anatomy to massage both your prosthetics and your human flesh into a configuration so beautiful it made you Ms. Universe 2034?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Dr. Albert Sickamore, whose work in optics allowed the creation of the retractable laser cannons on your left shoulder, which cannons saved your life on several occasions and you described to me as, 'The best Christmas gift you have ever received'?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Damion Boxhorn who used his billions to develop the portable fusion reactor that serves as both your heart, stomach and intestines, which powers your hydraulic muscles and laser cannons and x-ray eyes and which is also an instrumental part of that self-destruct feature which you find so reassuring, which you once said, 'Gives me the great comfort only the capacity to destroy both myself and a major city can'?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Amanda Arkensa - who created the genetic engineering techniques that made redundant those immune suppressant drugs which once caused you so much distress?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than Sarah Hooperson who introduced you to your boyfriend and husband and your boyfriend's husband. Who was both the maid of honor at your wedding and the groom's best man? Who saved said wedding from inevitable destruction with a toast of such heartfelt love that all in attendance cried for three hours, this including the staff and the cynical wedding singer, whose alcoholism was also cured by said speech?"
"Yes," she said.
"Even better than your roommate Anne Sinclair, whose research in inter-species mind transfer allows her to take the form of various animals. Said animals being of many types but her preferred body being that of a goldfish?"
"No," she said.